26 February, 2008

Mother today & Mother-in-law tomorrow

One of my friend was excited that his mother was about to come the next evening. Casually when I visited his house the next day, he introduced his mother and she was tired of travelling. So, I chose another day to have a chat with her. I visited her the next day and had a long chat with her. This kindled my thoughts to write a post about mothers.

For long I had been thinking of the modern Desi mothers and their multi roles. Some of my cousins have become mothers and in-laws too.

In our society and culture mother has a prominent role. Though today’s father too are different to the fathers of yester years, mothers are more closer to their kids and the kids expect their mothers to be with them on the most needed time. But having a closer look at the mothers it is really wonderful to know so many in-built qualities.

Especially if the mothers have daughters, the love cannot be explained. Just like Fathers being role model for their sons, mothers are role model for their daughters. Some mothers go a bit more than their limits, in trying to dominate in all the affairs of their daughters and in-laws too. Though that is not the topic now, I was trying to appreciate the positive side of the role of mothers.

Just as the alliance clicks, and daughter gets married Mother’s passport is being taken care. She prepares herself for the long queue before the consulates and gets her Visa stamped. I do agree that there is nothing equivalent than the love and care of a mother. But who cares about the mother? Nowadays, desi girls seldom think that their mother is also a human and expect her to be a god made machine who can do everything for them. I closely observed few mothers who come abroad and it is amazing to see their skills. Even though they have come here, they still keep in touch with their left ones in home country, and keep giving the necessary care and instructions on daily or weekly basis. The people back home go to the extent of asking the so called mother regarding location of Ginger paste in the kitchen too when required.

It is really amazing to know the multi-talent of the mothers. Everything is fine with them except that they are too devoted to anything they take. One of my cousin’s wife who came to help her daughter-in-law for the delivery, did not show any interest in going out or visiting places and hardly went around. She was so dedicated to her daughter-in-law and the child, I had to force her and take her around. There was also another one who came to help her daughter-in-law but showed lesser interest after coming here, and was busy shopping around and was preparing a parallel list to be shipped to her daughter’s place in India. Both were so contradictory. On the whole, they never dream anything for themselves, and keep helping always their family, their kith and kin.

Few come out of their town, and just freak out here. They just want to get out of their routine and teach their dominating counter-part a lesson. Some male counterparts are too advanced. Either they do not allow their wives to leave abroad, or also travel with them and come here and trouble their wives here too. An interesting fact was I visited another friend’s parents where I could not find any difference between the ways the mother was treated. The gentleman who was retired did keep demanding everything fresh even in a cold country like here. I know a friend’s mother, who troubled him to take to a South Indian restaurant to have Masala Dosai. While travelling within London just because she was scared to use the escalators, my friend had to take all the trouble to contact the station authorities to stop the escalator and make his mom climb through safely.

One of my ex-colleague who was also my neighbour brought his aged parents from India. His father being a normal male chauvinistic person did not bother to take her along with his bachelor son wherever they went. Whenever she was alone, she called me (who just lived a floor above them) over phone and used to chat very innocently. I was glad to make her happy at least those times, and she wanted someone to hear her village stories. She was so innocent and whenever I visited their house, she thrilled me with her hospitality.

Some modern mothers are so intelligent that they come here and grasp many things quickly. We do see them in public places and social places. Some do come and stay here and help the younger ones, and rush back home like a busy bee. Some never stop helping others.

To quote something humorous, my age old mother looked at the new Dish washer for a long time and it made me to wonder whether she was cursing it for sharing even a little job of hers being taken away.

Whatever said, Mothers suit every role and they can do it well. Hats off to all mothers! I wish more women from India see the outside world than being inside the kitchen.