26 February, 2008

Mother today & Mother-in-law tomorrow

One of my friend was excited that his mother was about to come the next evening. Casually when I visited his house the next day, he introduced his mother and she was tired of travelling. So, I chose another day to have a chat with her. I visited her the next day and had a long chat with her. This kindled my thoughts to write a post about mothers.

For long I had been thinking of the modern Desi mothers and their multi roles. Some of my cousins have become mothers and in-laws too.

In our society and culture mother has a prominent role. Though today’s father too are different to the fathers of yester years, mothers are more closer to their kids and the kids expect their mothers to be with them on the most needed time. But having a closer look at the mothers it is really wonderful to know so many in-built qualities.

Especially if the mothers have daughters, the love cannot be explained. Just like Fathers being role model for their sons, mothers are role model for their daughters. Some mothers go a bit more than their limits, in trying to dominate in all the affairs of their daughters and in-laws too. Though that is not the topic now, I was trying to appreciate the positive side of the role of mothers.

Just as the alliance clicks, and daughter gets married Mother’s passport is being taken care. She prepares herself for the long queue before the consulates and gets her Visa stamped. I do agree that there is nothing equivalent than the love and care of a mother. But who cares about the mother? Nowadays, desi girls seldom think that their mother is also a human and expect her to be a god made machine who can do everything for them. I closely observed few mothers who come abroad and it is amazing to see their skills. Even though they have come here, they still keep in touch with their left ones in home country, and keep giving the necessary care and instructions on daily or weekly basis. The people back home go to the extent of asking the so called mother regarding location of Ginger paste in the kitchen too when required.

It is really amazing to know the multi-talent of the mothers. Everything is fine with them except that they are too devoted to anything they take. One of my cousin’s wife who came to help her daughter-in-law for the delivery, did not show any interest in going out or visiting places and hardly went around. She was so dedicated to her daughter-in-law and the child, I had to force her and take her around. There was also another one who came to help her daughter-in-law but showed lesser interest after coming here, and was busy shopping around and was preparing a parallel list to be shipped to her daughter’s place in India. Both were so contradictory. On the whole, they never dream anything for themselves, and keep helping always their family, their kith and kin.

Few come out of their town, and just freak out here. They just want to get out of their routine and teach their dominating counter-part a lesson. Some male counterparts are too advanced. Either they do not allow their wives to leave abroad, or also travel with them and come here and trouble their wives here too. An interesting fact was I visited another friend’s parents where I could not find any difference between the ways the mother was treated. The gentleman who was retired did keep demanding everything fresh even in a cold country like here. I know a friend’s mother, who troubled him to take to a South Indian restaurant to have Masala Dosai. While travelling within London just because she was scared to use the escalators, my friend had to take all the trouble to contact the station authorities to stop the escalator and make his mom climb through safely.

One of my ex-colleague who was also my neighbour brought his aged parents from India. His father being a normal male chauvinistic person did not bother to take her along with his bachelor son wherever they went. Whenever she was alone, she called me (who just lived a floor above them) over phone and used to chat very innocently. I was glad to make her happy at least those times, and she wanted someone to hear her village stories. She was so innocent and whenever I visited their house, she thrilled me with her hospitality.

Some modern mothers are so intelligent that they come here and grasp many things quickly. We do see them in public places and social places. Some do come and stay here and help the younger ones, and rush back home like a busy bee. Some never stop helping others.

To quote something humorous, my age old mother looked at the new Dish washer for a long time and it made me to wonder whether she was cursing it for sharing even a little job of hers being taken away.

Whatever said, Mothers suit every role and they can do it well. Hats off to all mothers! I wish more women from India see the outside world than being inside the kitchen.


Jeevan said...

:) I am smiling for your kindness and glad to sharing your experience at this place to agree on the mothers in world. My mom is very quick understand many things, esp. for taking care all my needs, she knows more than my dad.

Bargavi Karthik said...

Yes. Mothers are always one step more than any other person.And I wonder current generation working mothers.Though they work equally like their counter part they are able to handle children in a better way and contribute everything that the child demands..BTW i'm Loga's friend..

arvindh said...

Thaaimai vaazhga! Good to see you blogging again.

Balaji S Rajan said...


Thanks. I know you have wonderful parents and there is no difference between both of them. They both shower their love and affection on you.

Balaji S Rajan said...


Thanks for your comments. You rightly said Moms are one step ahead of others. Please do visit often.

Balaji S Rajan said...


Thanks for your encouragement. Yes.. I will continue.

Rama said...

A very nice post. My mother plays a very active part in the everyday planning at home (menu and everything) and it is so comforting to have her around. Mothers definitely have their own unique place.

Kittu said...

i am very happy to have to come to your site today and see a post about mothers. somehow, it drove those centiments in my eyes quickly :-)

anything you write has reality balaji. i like a lot of your posts for that very reason. again, this post about mothers - you have definitely brought out a lot of dimensions about the abilities in a mother. Mother - no one can beat her.

Modern mothers as you said have become very smart and adaptive these days. It is so nice to see them travelling abroad and having some time to know the world.

Not a single atom in this world could have a standing when compared to the motherhood. They are the best source of energy. But if you see it closely, mothers from the olden culture are very stable in running a family well and they have a better health when compared to the recent modern mothers. Though they might be limping here and there at times, their committment towards what they used to do to run the family is a miracle. God created mothers for a reason and the statement "maadha pidhaa guru dheivam" says it all.

I'm also lucky to have great parents who have made me cross many hurdles at ease. At this very moment, let me thank them for being my parents.

The relationship between two women have always been a question mark and as you hinted about mother and mother-in-law relationships, it will always be the same no matter how great both women are :-)

Keep up your good work balaji. Great post.

Anonymous said...

Dear Balaji
This is my first blog site visit & comment besides the cursory glance i made to yr blog page earlier.
Yes must admit that mothers are indeed wonderful & god's gift to us.As an expatriate i always have felt that I am not doing my duty to my mother.I think it is high time I do something about it

Balaji S Rajan said...


Nice to hear about your mother. Yes Mothers definitely have their own unique place.

Balaji S Rajan said...


Thanks for your long comments. Nice to hear about your parents. I am glad that atleast there are few who read my post and understand the realities.

Thanks for your words once again.

Balaji S Rajan said...

Dear anonymous (Nagu),

Thanks for visiting my blog. Do not worry about being expatriate. I could see that you are visiting frequently Bangalore and caring for your parents. Well done. Keep it up!

Anonymous said...

Your postings are good. But the background color makes it difficult to read.

Itz me!!! said...

hi Balaji..
It is not that girls want their parents abroad only to serve them during the delivery time.. we also genuinely want our parents to see and enjoy the other side of the world..

a well written post :-)

Kavi said...

'Moms' are a great privelege to have. And many a time, what they say, makes sense after a while! But when it does make sense...the enormity of the sense makes all else disappear!

ambi said...

After a long time vijit here.

another thought provoking post. one thing i don't understand, why few moms behave differently with their daughters and with their Daughter-in-laws..?

ufff, kabhi saas bhi bahu thee..? :)

Balaji S Rajan said...

It'z me,

Thanks. I understand that. But the first occasion girls want their mother next to them will be especially when they are pregnant and deliver baby, isn't it?

Balaji S Rajan said...


True. I agree with you. We tend to not agree with our moms initially and then realise it later.

Balaji S Rajan said...


That is again to Mom's nature. It is the relationship law.

Vetrimagal said...

Oops, Once again, I could not stop writing a comment. :-).

Wonderfully expressed. I liked the comments too. Many of the youngsters are sensitive to their parents needs and feelings. this is very heartening to note.

I am also a parent and wish to share with you a small experience we had in USA. We were visiting our daughter for a long period of 6 months, just to spend time in USA. My daughter was told by many of American friends that " oh poor thing how are you going to manage, I can't share the house with my parents for more than a week!"
My daughter calmly told them that they can wait and meet her parents to find out why it makes happy about our visit.

We met her friends on a number of occasions, they
were surprised that we were so different from their expectations.

So much so they started getting their children to meet us often , we did not have much rest during daytime.. someone would ring up and request my daughter that they would like to come and chat with us (in her absence). We made friends with all of them sharing meals and stories about India.

They explained that they were apprehensive about my daughter's enthusiasm before our visit,but what they saw in us changed their attitude about parents.
We had to tell them that there was nothing special here, most of the parents in India put their chidlren and family first!

We had a good time and they were all unanimous in feeling bad when we left!.

some of them are planning a visit to India soon.

Thanks for yor write up.

Amith said...

Nice article :) keep writing