11 August, 2006

Dads are wonderful

August 8th 1974.

A ten year old boy was so happy that his Dad was there to play Cricket with him. His Dad started bowling, and the boy wanted to hit every ball. Dad advised him to keep an eye on the ball and play carefully. The boy was very happy and content on the evening. The next day he wanted to continue the same game. His Dad did spent some time. On the third day since few relatives had visited, the Dad could not spend much of his time and the boy was a bit sad about it. He never knew that he was heading towards the worst night of his life. Around 8:45 p.m. the Dad started sweating a lot and could feel a bit difference in his health. Kind neighbours rushed to his help. The whole family was worried. Somebody rushed to call the family doctor. Doctor arrived and diagnosed heart attack and advised to get admitted to a hospital. The village did not have the facilities of a big hospital and the family had to depend on a car to rush to a big hospital. Again the kind neighbours arranged a car, and the Dad was rushed to the hospital. The boy was totally shocked along with his sisters. He could not swallow the food provided by his elder sister. Within minutes of their departure, he saw his mom crying and coming back to the room of worship. He and his sisters could understand that something was going out of control. The neighbours lifted the Dad and the boy innocently spread a mat on the floor to help his Dad lie. Neighbours removed it, saying it was not required anymore. The Boy could not understand why his Dad had to sleep on the floor? Within few minutes, the family Doctor arrived and announced that the Dad his dead.

The young boy is nobody else than me. Yes… I realised last night that it is 32 years since my Dad died. Years have rolled by and the deep scar left is still remaining in my mind. In general Dads are the role models for boys. I started developing few qualities from my Dad. He was my role model. Alas… I lost him at a tender age. The next day was horrible. It was totally a different experience. I cannot still forget those good neighbours who were remaining with us until our relatives arrived. There were few ladies who were constantly pacifying my mom. Dad was just 47 years old at his death. It was a great shock for everyone.

He was a social person. He is still remembered for the way he used to hold the trains until everyone arrived to get into the train. He was very friendly with the drivers and used to give pep talk to them to hold the train for extra minutes. Many of the office goers used to rush. He used to get into the Train only after seeing everyone getting in. Since it was a village, the next train was scheduled only at 9:30 a.m. It was called as ‘Sambar’ Passenger. I still do not know the reason for the name. So missing 8:45 A.M. train was a costly miss for the office goers. My Dad was fondly called as ‘Girudha Rajan’ for his famous side locks though his name was K.R.Soundararajan. He taught me and my sisters the basic discipline and morals of life. We always had guests for Sunday morning breakfast. The guests were from Cobblers to Vegetable Vendors. He was so kind to everyone and loved everyone. Probably that was the reason for a huge attendance of people from different walks of life in his funeral.

My feelings were unexplainable. After lighting the pyre, I was asked not to turn back for which I do not understand the reason till today. The next day was horrible. I had to go with my relatives to collect the ashes. This had a great impact in my life totally. Only on that morning, I understood what life all about was. It is not a kind of thing every boy of that age should experience. But I understood the philosophy. Until then I was thinking life is eternal. Too many thoughts occupied the mind. It is difficult to narrate or put in writing. But I started missing my Dad.

I see many young bloggers having different opinions about their dad. I know many of the young boys do not get along with their dad. But try to understand your Dad. Probably the reason of being fatherless, made me to be closer to my friends fathers. Even today when I visit my native place, I go around to see my Dad’s friends. I see my Dad in them. Some of them are still alive. During last year, I saw one of my Dad’s friend walking on the road. I knew that he may not be able to recognize me. So, I went and introduced myself and took his blessings. He was moved so much that tears started rolling on his cheeks. His happiness was boundless and he started talking about those old good days. I saw great happiness on his face.

Many times in my life, during many occasions I have missed my Dad. I still remember all the good days I had with him. I wish I never forget them in my life. Dear Appa, you are still living in my heart.

The intention of this post is if any of you have any misunderstanding with your Dad please ignore it. Try to understand your Dad and express your love. Dads are wonderful. The drawback with them is they never express their feelings, just like you boys. Life is too short, let us live happily.


Raji said...

Heart Wrenching. You were blessed with a great dad and your dad sure is blessed with a loving son like you who so fondly remembers him after so many years.

Balaji S Rajan said...

Raji - Thanks. Yes I was blessed with a great Dad and it was unfortunate that I lost him at a very young age. Atleast I want others to be happy and that is why this post. Many do not understand this. I know many fathers and sons who do not talk to each other. I will be happy if atleast one person changes on reading this post.

Shankari said...

it is just great that you remember your dad and cherished every moment of the 10 years that you lived with him. There are a few who can live with their dad all their lives and dont cherish a moment and just complain..so hats off to you and hope that some kids get back on good terms with their parents

வேதா said...

i have no words to comment here. but i am sure that ur dad must be watching u as a proud father.

Balaji S Rajan said...

shankari - Thanks for your comments. Yes we have wonderful memories of the days we lived with our Dad. He was a man of great principles and I teach them to my kids too. What we are today, is all due to elders.

Veda - I can understand reason for your speechlessness. Thanks for your comments. Yes my dad must be watching and feel proud.

Suji said...

Its sad that you lost ur Dad so early in life. But he still lives in ur heart and that is what matters. Dads are the greatest especially for daughters. I am sure u know that since u urself have a daughter. That bond is something special.

tulipspeaks said...

losing someone dear to us is never an easy task. while my parents are were much alive and i'm blessed to be with them for 26 years now, i grew up with my grandparents with my grandpa being a father figure to me. losing him to complications due to stroke was an experience i never want to experience ever again.

its hard. i understand.


Kavi said...

My dad has been my hero. From time immemorial. He has been afflicted with a condition i can do nothing about. He still inspires. He continues to guide. In more ways than one, i can connect to your post.


Sundar Narayanan said...

the last paragraph hits the nail on the head.. life is short..we are all better off communicating with our parents more openly.

that was a really touching post balaji sir..my heart goes out to you.

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Ram Viswanathan said...


Like Veda I also don't know what to say.. I am moved..

I liked the last paragraph.. If you love someone (especially you Appa or Amma..) Go out and say it & reconcile....

Fragility of life is all around yet we (humans) fight so much..

Barbienan said...

Excellently portrayed feelings for dad. You know balaji the age between 30 - 45 is the most important age when we realise what our parents me. I am in the same phase too. I miss them so badly that I cant have them here with me now. Thanks to skype and all internet services which helps to hear and see them when needed. I am sorry that u lost ur dad at a very young age.It hurts when such stories like you are read. But ur dad for sure is proud to have a son like you.

Chakra Sampath said...

That was a really heavy post Balaji.

Balaji S Rajan said...

Suji - Yes. I know that in general fathers are attached to their daughters and vice versa. My wife keeps telling this though I am attached to both of my kids.

Amutha - Thanks for understanding my feelings. Yes. I agree what you have felt when you lost your grandpa.

Kavi - My sincere wishes for a speedy recovery for your Dad. Thanks for visiting and your comments.

Sundarji I did not mean everyone of today's younger generation. I have come across few of my friends. Many do not realise when they exist and then weep after their parents depart. Good to know about the way you are and I know through your blogs that you do communicate to your parents frequently. I admire the way you are attached with your family too.

Balaji S Rajan said...


Well said. "Fragility of life is all around and yet we fight" . How true? It should come from both the sides to have a perfect understanding.Isn't it?

Thanks for your comments and nice to know that you are in touch with your parents quite often through the modern utilities.
yes... ours is a unique culture.


Sorry for such a heavy post. I just felt about him on the morning and hence the post.

Jeevan said...

You have missed him in very young age, if he lived more day's u can learn more about life form him. Hope your son will be very proud of you.

I can understand my dad, and able to read his mind, because he was my Friend, i can share my happyness with him, but not my worries, because he already have more. I learn how to be love on other, being honesty and frienly form him.

visithra said...

Dads are wonderful. The drawback with them is they never express their feelings.

- i agree ;)

heart wrenching - truthfully death changes u

Kamal Aanand (Kamz) said...

Quite touching! I am 100% with you on this concept.

Balaji S Rajan said...

Jeevan - yes. I know that you love your Dad. Your dad is really a great man. You have told me a lot about your dad through your posts. You are really lucky to have someone like him.

Visithra - As you said.. yes death brings in lot of changes.

Kamal - Thanks for dropping by and your comments.

dany said...

I just came across this post. Its sad whatever happened to you and the message you have conveyed to the current generation is very mch valid.

As someone said till 30 we live in a diff world once we cross we start longing for our parents. Sometimes it might be too late.

Balaji S Rajan said...


Thanks for visiting. I agree with what you say. After a certain age we realise how much our parents would have toiled to bring us up to this level. It is a sort of looking back.